To hear me read the text of this post in my own voice, click here￼:
1) I read the other day that – in Spain or someplace – it is now illegal to shout a catcall at a woman. So I am trying to be very disciplined. I no longer will say to a woman that she looks great in those tight pants. Or even anything innocent like “nice blouse“. I do find, however, that – with the right woman – I can still say “Ooh, mama!” and it goes down just fine.
2) It has been 40 years since I last had my own personal secretary. At AT&T in the 80s, four of us managers shared the same secretary and did most of our own word processing.
But now I have Siri! I can tell her to call somebody and she does it. I can ask her to take a note and she does it. I have so far, however, had no luck getting her to bring me a cup of coffee. She just opens up a list of local coffee shops and says “Go get it yourself, asshole.”
3) My public defender just reassured me that I definitely will not go to jail next week for punching that guy last spring who aimed a racist slur at my black friend. “It’s only a misdemeanor unless you use a weapon.“
I told him that this feels very empowering to me. I now feel that I can go ahead and punch somebody else if I really feel a need to. As my legal advisor, he counseled me that a second offense might not go down as well. Shucks!